I’m confused. So bloody confused. I don’t know what to say, do, or think.
On one hand, I miss you. I hate not speaking to you, it feels wrong. We have been good friends for four years now and have always kept in touch despite our distance, but in those few weeks at home and before making the call to cool the contact when i got back to London I enjoyed getting used to our dependence and want for constant contact.
On the other hand, it leaves my mind and my heart slightly more free and open to opportunities and meeting other people, not that I guess you’ll be wanting to hear about it? Solely for conscience purposes…here goes;
Enter, Mr NY.
I met an amazing guy the other night. I noticed him the instant I walked in to the party. We got talking, he was tall, gorgeous, kind, intelligent, well-educated, incredibly successful – and a real gentleman. And for some reason, out of all of the girls at the party, he chose me to get to know…. me to kiss…and then me to ask out on a date the next day. Our date the next afternoon happened to fall in the last few hours of his time back home, here in London, before flying back to his current city – New York.
#distanceheartsclub still in full force – at least i’m consistent?
While I had an amazing time with him at the party and one of the loveliest dates I have ever had, you were somewhere on the back of my mind the whole time. I pushed you out as much as I could because this guy really was something special – but I just couldn’t shake the niggly feeling at the pit of my stomach.
So there I was, having almost guilty feelings for enjoying myself on a date, wondering if I should be telling you about it, confessing almost – yet you go home to your girlfriend every night. Every single night, that I hop in to bed alone sad, confused, feeling guilty – you’re hopping in to bed with her?
You say you’re unhappy, you say you know you’re not meant to be, that the break up is inevitable – you’ve said it long before me, before us – but I still don’t see any changes. Honestly? It’s killing me. And it’s pushing me away.
I feel like a fool – am I living in a dream world? This has never been one sided, so why now, is it me that feels like the mug.
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to act or how to play this out.
I guess, to me, the only way to deal with it, is to go silent.
My silence isn’t because I don’t care any more.
It’s because I care, too much.
distanced hearts club ♥