I know that the last time I wrote I said I wanted you out of my life. But this ice queen has warmed up – you know as well as I do, better than I do in fact, that actually I’m not an ice queen at all – I’m quite the opposite. Hopeless romantic at heart. It seems I may have let the walls freeze around my heart since, or because of, you. Before you, there were walls from previous heart breaks but nothing like this. Surely that means you meant a lot though right? So I’m hoping that excuses me from my erratic (albeit internal) attitude towards you being in my life. Lucky I keep that to myself huh – that you know nothing more than that I just don’t ever make the first contact…
In saying that, it was so nice to hear from you recently, to hear you wanted to catch up for a drink. Even if you did invite me to your friends party where I didn’t really know anyone else, I’m glad I came along. Utter confusion caused, for your friends and maybe us – but I’m still glad I came.
I know we’re flirty by nature and perhaps I’m as equally to blame as you are – but you commenting on how sexy I looked within five minutes of my arrival, talking about our sex life within a few drinks, buying my drinks all night, giving me your card to buy our drinks, grabbing my behind, your friends commenting on the chemistry between us multiple times, asking what was going on with us, you suddenly deciding to call it a night due to tiredness when another man was flirting with me, resulting in you giving me what essentially felt like a “stay here with him or come home with me” ultimatum – well it just isn’t exactly normal.
The abnormalities didn’t stop there though did they? We went home together to your place, I naturally put on one of your t-shirts to sleep in, our bodies magnetised and intertwined leading us to fall asleep face to face; our foreheads and noses touching. The way I woke up with your arms around me, the way we stayed like that for over an hour just talking, giggling like we used to. The way you showered in your en-suite with the door open while I lay in your bed talking to you from a distance, the way I didn’t think twice about walking around in my underwear after my turn in the shower while rushing to get ready and out the door to meet your friend for brunch – together. The way you sent snapchat video’s of us to your brother and sister between FaceTiming them back home, the way we then went to Borough Markets with your friend for lunch before spending the afternoon in a lovely bar drinking over priced but delicious bloody mary’s while you flirted with me, bringing up our past, our story and so many of our couple moments.
Since then, there’s been nothing really – mindless occasional chat.
I don’t have new feelings for you, don’t worry. But nights that turn in to days, like those, do make me wonder what ever happened to us. Nostalgia – it’ll get ya, ice heart or not.
So, what did you make of it then? Of us? Of me? Despite the erratic and often harsh stances I take on you – you know that there will always be a whole lot of love for you in my heart, at least I hope you know that anyway. I still miss you.
Maybe you and I are the only ones who know how the bond we have feels, or maybe it’s just me, all in my head. I guess I won’t really know your side of this – and thanks to my hearts ice walls, nor will you know mine. At least I now know that you and her have broken up”.
distanced hearts club ♥