As I sit here on a cold autumn night with my soup for one (homemade though), I’m wondering why it seems the ones who break your heart move on so seamlessly.

In the last few months, the Train Driver has adopted two puppies, gotten married (to a doctor, dam it) and ‘they’ have just announced they are expecting their first child. Trouble is still with her, they went on their first holiday together to celebrate her twelfth birthday and are no doubt planning their next European escape.

And then there’s me. The Mould Breaker has moved back to NZ, I haven’t seen The Rugby Boy again after our night of fun (despite drunken attempts, whoops), multiple app match’s have ghosted me post date and No-Name?– you guessed it, I never heard from him again either.

How is it fair that the hurt’er is trucking along in relationship bliss yet the hurt’ee is stuck in a somewhat immobile dating paradigm?

The disparity in the moving on process between ourselves and our ex’s can be a hard pill to swallow only making the process even more complex, often resulting in abortion. Vicious circle huh. The single life struggle is real.

When you’ve been hurt pretty badly – twice in a row even – it feels like every man and his ex dog moves on without you; while our ex’s are settling down, we can’t even get someone to settle a bill on a date with us. It doesn’t even come down to if you’re miserable being single, whether you’re looking for love, or how many fish are in the sea – it’s the mentality that modern-day dating generates within the heads of us single girls. The paradox isn’t good for our self-esteem and it sure doesn’t bode well for company on these lonely nights in. This mentality worms its way in and allows us to believe that ghosting is telling us we’re not worth anyone new’s time of day and an ex moving on before us is screaming that someone wants them but no one wants you.

While I realise we shouldn’t be comparing our selves to our ex’s and success shouldn’t doesn’t hinge on a long-term, well maintained relationship, it’s so hard to view yourself as winning when your past seems to be so far ahead of you. We must try to remember, instill in ourselves and just as importantly, in each other, that life isn’t a race – and neither is love.


xo bambi

distanced hearts club ♥



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