i got to thinking

April 2016

It’s Saturday night, I’m sitting in bed with a glass of red in one hand and my beloved macbook air on my lap in my overpriced tiny flat. All I need is a singlet, big knickers and a cigarette in my hand and I’m basically London’s Carrie Bradshaw – right?!

Ok maybe not. But I’m definitely not Miranda, no one wants to be Miranda.

While Carrie’s “I got to thinking” started to get on my nerves by series three, I was having a typical post date debrief with my friend/flatmate this morning and I – wait for it – got to thinking….when it comes to the dating world, are men really the assholes or are we just as bad?

My gorgeous friend has recently met and is now really in to a lovely man. She has dated him, kissed him, slept with him….even had brunch with him! Yet she is swiping left – and right – on multiple dating apps, talking to many of her matches and dating a few of them. I asked her what was up? Why is she doing this when she’s met someone she genuinely likes. Her answer? …she doesn’t want to put all of her eggs in one basket and definitely doesn’t want him to think that she might possibly like him – heaven forbid!

She’s a strong woman. She knows what she wants. She knows what she deserves.

Why is she playing games?

As single girls in our late twenties, we’re constantly being ghosted, booty called, cheated on, lied to, one-date-wonder’ed etc, etc, etc, blah, blah blah. We know that the man we’ve just been on a date with is going to keep his options open, message us every now and again, message a few other girls every now and again, phase us out… regardless of the connection we may have felt, the words he said, the list of things we had in common, he’s not going to message us much past the first date. We moan, we complain, we cry, we get bitter, yet are we really any better?

We do it too. As my friend has just proven, we too swipe right, we match with, we message and seem to be going on dates with more than one guy at a time – just like them. If we’re doing what we’re moaning about, do we really have a leg to stand on?

Or have we now become so used to this treatment, that we in turn have been manicured to be this way. #datelikeaman – as my flatmate said to me on her way in to her date last night – simply because we may as well be in control and not put all of our eggs in one basket while we’re waiting for the inevitable to happen post date; the ghosting, the cheating, the lies. We are doing what they are doing…. vicious bloody circle in’it.

Classic chicken and egg situation.

I’m obviously not speaking on behalf of the worlds single society so I can’t claim to know which came first – but speaking personally, without an inch of a doubt I know which order this dating ideology came in.

While it’s easier and a lot more satisfying to blame the male sex for the discombobulated time us singles seem to be living in in 2016, my blame actually goes on modern-day technology and these detrimental dating apps. Give a dog a bone and all that.

Ask me, the death of (enter dating app of choice hereis should be nigh…

distanced hearts club ♥

NB this post was written while swiping left, right and messaging two different men.

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