blame game

February 2016

I chose to let my wall come down.

I chose to look past all the warnings, your history, and be with you.

I chose to love you.

I chose to put you up on the pedestal.

I chose to make you the healer of my train wrecked heart.

I chose to give you the benefit of the doubt time after time after time.

I chose to let the hurt you inflicted run as deep as it does did.

All this time, I have been blaming you. All this time I have been mad at you for hurting me, for breaking my heart, destroying my faith in relationships, in friendships and in love.

It’s taken awhile for me to see this, but actually the person I’m most angry and disappointed in – is myself.

If I chose to let myself get caught up in the whirlwind, then I’m to blame. If I’m to blame, then I’m the only one who can fix things.

I always knew that deep down you were not the one. I just absolutely, completely, utterly and simply adored every minute of the time we spent together. I allowed myself to push reality to the depths of my mind and let the daydream envelop me in its bliss of a haze that was us.

I should have stayed more grounded in reality.

If it was me who chose to let this treacherous run away with my fragile heart – then it’s me who has to choose not to let this affect, hurt or upset me anymore.

Thanks for your apology, your care and your want of a friendship – but it’s all on me now.

xo bambi

distanced hearts club ♥

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