dear trouble | five

February 2016


…it’s not that you have just broken my heart romantically, I’m long over that – it’s that you have crushed my faith in friendship too and the bond between two people that I have believed in since you, the one that goes deeper than romance…

I had had my heart-broken, ripped out and torn a mere ten days before I met you. I had been treated like a piece of dirt on the bottom of my first great loves shoe for over a year when you crossed the road and in to the bar that fateful St Patrick’s day nearly three years ago.

Who would’ve thought that after a quick Guinness and a debate about elephants you would so quickly restore my faith in strangers, in love and in humanity in general.

You showed me what it was like to have a crush again, reminded me what happiness was and invited the blossoming, carefree feelings to the first stages of our budding relationship.

You left NZ and while the recently re-born butterflies in me were crying and dying a slow, hopeless death, the romantic in me was ignited. Ignited by you.

Just when I had been shown that love isn’t always enough by the man who I had believed for so long was the love of my life – you completely and utterly proved that actually, love conquers all. Your care, your contact, your effort – it lifted me up and over the Tasman to cloud nine. Heck, cloud twenty-nine.

I gave you more credit for that than you will ever know. I always knew that whatever the outcome of you and I was romantically, you would always be one of the most monumental, important and special people in my life. Our connection and bond had been strengthened by distance and now ran too deep; we would always respect, care and love each other – no matter what.

You were everything he wasn’t.

We were everything he and I weren’t.

Now – you, and we, are just the same.

To say you have put my heart back in to the fragile, lifeless chrysalis it was in ten days before I met you would be an understatement – you’ve dashed my hope for connection, destroyed my faith in bonds and killed my belief in relationships and friendships. Since you, I’m not sure that the butterfly of my heart will ever grow its wings strong enough to break out of its thin metamorphic membrane. Why would I ever want it to?

You say don’t like us not being friends this week, you say you really care, you say you want me to always be a part of your life. I’m not so sure right now. But please, give this chrysalis the respect to figure it out, repair and grow on its own. You may not have allowed me to have the geographical space for the fresh start I so desperately craved but please at least have the decency to give me some metaphorical space.

xo bambi

PS a Facebook message isn’t enough of a gesture to warrant a response any time soon.

distanced hearts club ♥



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