knock backs

I’m not loving twenty sixteen if I’m completely honest with you dhc readers. I’m just not quite convinced it’s my year. I’m unhappy in my job; overworked, severely underpaid, ra ra ra. I’m beyond stressed and constantly exhausted from a combination of long hours and a stupid commute. I’ve been strenuously interviewing round after round, for a role that I have my heart absolutely set on and I’m due to discover my fate with it tomorrow. This role would change my London life quite drastically. I don’t just want this role, I need it. It’s safe to say my stress, anxiety and exhaustion levels are at an all time high.

On top of the career stuff, I’m still dealing with the aftermath of Trouble – and her – living in London. I’m not romantically cut up about Trouble anymore, don’t get me wrong. I just can’t seem to push past the unfair factor of it all. Who moves to London to start a fresh, while still in love with someone – and then they  announce they’re moving here too but have been seeing someone behind your back. The real plot twist in this synopsis is that she then moves there too? It’s like I’ve been the victim of my own rom-com. Am I Jen, and they’re Brangelina? No, Trouble’s assured me time after time they’re not together.

The final blow is that I’m now also dealing with the Friend card being played by No-name. Yup. Another one bites the dust.

Not only have I been rejected by the rugby player, ghosted by rock boy, been walked all over and had the wool pulled over my eyes by Trouble – despite the talks at Christmas and in Berlin about ‘us’ happening one day just not right now, No-name broke the news to me while drunk at a bowling alley on Friday night that the thinks it’s best we’re just “friends”. #embarrassment

So tonight sucks, it’s Sunday evening – the shittest night of any week – and to add salt to my wound, it’s Valentines night. Bleugh. I’m not a Valentines Day fan even with a boyfriend but there’s just something about it, something about all those red roses, decadent meals, chocolate hearts and declarations of tacky commercial love that remind you that; that’s not you.

What a weekend. Thumbs up emoji.

Oh and did I mentioned that while I’m sitting at home, depressingly swiping left on dating apps I’m 90% sure Trouble is on a Valentines Day date with her – in London – my city.

Yeh. Safe to say my wound of a heart is feeling pretty raw and salty right now.

xo bambi

distanced hearts club ♥


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