Its been just over three weeks since the talk. I have maintained my side of the ‘space’ bargain; I haven’t messaged him, I haven’t called him, I haven’t even snap chatted him. Pat on the back gratefully accepted – thank you. He’s made contact though – general snapchats and chit chat to which I politely, yet bluntly, replied to and inevitably shut down.
In week two of our new found space, I made the call not to go to Winter Wonderland with our extended friendship group over here because I knew he would be there. I really wanted to go but I knew I wasn’t ready to be around him.
It’s fair to say I tasted the sourness of the lemon that is Trouble living in London hard and fast when I realised i’d have to be a no show on that night out.
Other than purposefully avoiding that group situation, I’ve been doing better than I thought I would. As each day passes, I realise more and more that I genuinely do not like the person Trouble now is. I’ve always known there was this selfish almost arrogant side to him, but this side now seems to be the only side I’m seeing. Sad huh. I guess the blinkers are finally off and realisation has hit; the person I loved and was my best friend, well that was only a side of him too – just like the selfish, arrogant one I too thought was just a side. Now I fear I see this side as him, as who he is.
At least turning this lemon in to lemonade has been made easier for me, y dictate for the person he now seems to be makes the space thing ok – it’s exactly what I want right now actually.
Yes I’m hurt, but not because I wanted to be with him and my heart is broken that that once fruitful relationship has fallen too far from the tree. But because of how he has dealt with the situation, how he has made me feel as a person, a woman, a friend, as someone who he was meant to truly care for.
He lead me on, he
lied kept things from me, he took advantage of me, of my nature – and he has now squeezed me dry.
I used to think that no matter how things ended between us we would always have a pretty unbreakable bond, a deep love and a lot of respect for each other that would mean we would always want to be in each others lives in some form. Right now I feel he has really ruined that – for now anyway. If there is ever a day where I see the old side of Trouble again, where I remember the amazing friend he was to me and the special, unique bond we had, it would be a long and probably very windy road back to any form of friendship. And sadly, I don’t actually think this will ever be the case.
Oh, I nearly forgot…I’ve recently been thrown another lemon – the sourest of all. I’m not sure how to digest this tarty fruit, let alone turn it in to lemonade.
She – the Younger Cousin – is moving to London. This week.
I’ll pass on the lemonade thanks, this lemon deserves tequila.
distanced hearts club ♥