dear trouble | four

November 2015

Hey,

When we talked, I thought it was a shame that we were having to give the step back method a go, that it was going to be a waste of such a good relationship between two people. It felt like it was stupid given we both knew we’d have to put effort in to reducing contact given it would be going against the grain of how it has always been.

A few days later and the fog has cleared. Actually? The real shame lies in the way you have acted and treated me at times over the past year. That self righteous side of you has reappeared – and I really don’t like it.

Yes, there are many aspects of you and our relationship that are streaks ahead of anyone else and most of the time I think you’re amazing – I probably always will – but sometimes you make me feel really small, insignificant and not good enough for you. That simply is not fair and I don’t deserve it. I may be kind by nature, care about you and do anything for you (until now), but I don’t think I deserve to have that taken advantage of. Do you?

After all the signals you have been sending, how dare you claim that it was me holding on to us and wanting to get back together.

I didn’t read the signs wrong, you just made your bed and now don’t want to lie in it.

So lets get one thing clear; I am not waiting around for you and I to get back together and never, ever was. Like I told you, I was happy as Larry and in fact seeing someone else while you were gallivanting over seas. You need to get your head around the fact that I’m quite capable of living a life that doesn’t have you in it, on the other side of the world, with people – men – that you don’t know or know about. I don’t think you’ve quite processed that yet, but you should, I think it’s time you got over yourself a little bit. Heck, I was on a date four days before we even had this very talk.

I guess I should thank the self righteous side of you really, you’re not making it all too difficult for me to be ok with this step back. To be perfectly honest, there’s a side of you I don’t actually like, at all, a side that I have only been shown the messier side of this year. Given I’m sitting half way between laughing at the audacity of your approach to you and I and being furiously angered by it, I’m now in a place where I’m not at all bothered by the no contact approach. For now anyway.

Of course you will always be someone I hold close to my heart, someone I will always care for and have fond memories of, but I don’t think I want to be that close to you again. We’ve reached that point now where the depth of our cracks run too deep and the feelings that come with those cracks simply aren’t worth it.

I’m emotionally, mentally and physically drained.

I’m over it, I’m done.

Despite all I have said, thank you for always being there for me, thank you for believing in me, thank you for being you. On the whole, you have been a pretty amazing part of my life over the last two and a half years and it’s a shame we are now where we are. I know I won’t want to have such minimal contact with you forever, but for now –

I’m giving this my best shot.

xo bambi

distanced hearts club ♥

 

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