I know since you went travelling and moved to London I haven’t really been in contact, at all. I know that I’ve said that I didn’t think we could really be friends perhaps at all, or at least without taking our time and working on it. I know I probably haven’t been the most welcoming, the most supportive.
In essence, I know I have been the opposite to what I have always been to you.
I also know, that my (/our) actions on Friday night completely and utterly contradict that behaviour. Alas, it seems you still have an electric effect on me huh…and maybe I do on you, too?
I’m not one for placing blame on the bottle but in this instance, my trusty friend rosé along with your charming Heineken fuelled self, encouraged my wall to come down – and I didn’t really do anything at all to stop it – did I? I let it come crashing down, and with that came you and I crashing down on each other.
Do I have feelings for you?
Do I now want to be with you because of Friday?
I’m not wanting Friday night to lead to anything more than purely what it was – a fun night where we let alcohol get the better of us. Really, I don’t want it to change anything at all between us. I don’t want things to be awkward, I don’t want ‘us’ to change. Things have been great the last two times we’ve seen each other. And that’s how I want it to stay. I really hope Friday night hasn’t jeopardised anything between us.
At the end of the day, I know I’ve been putting on an act that I don’t want to be friends with you, that I don’t think or want us to be overly present in each others lives. And I have truly wanted to be strong about that given what you have put me through. But clearly, I’m not that strong – and I’m also not that cruel – to myself or to you.
Regardless of what we have been through, you mean a lot to me – and you always will. I don’t want us to not be present in each others lives and I don’t want us to ever be in a situation where we would rather avoid each other than be in the same room.
It makes me feel physically ill to think that there may be a day – potentially because of this weekend – where one of us dreads being in the others presence.
So basically what I’m saying is; I don’t know what the future holds for us, I don’t know if we’ll be mere acquaintances, whether we’ll be friends or whether we’ll even be besties, but what I do know is…
I don’t want us to be absent from each others lives. I can’t fathom that concept, especially now that we’re living in the same city.
I hope we’re ok, I hope we will always be ok “
distanced hearts club ♥